Time has come to the point that I need to let go. It's been almost 3 months giving my care to this random old man. I've felt so sad, sorry and happy for him. He was a very nice man, full of happiness and positivity in life. Life could be better for him if his family was united and whole. I didn't say that his life was miserable in fact Uncle was very lucky to reach his age now at 88 this year.

It just that, his family was divided with anger, jealousy and a deeper scar from the past. Uncle and auntie had a two children. According to auntie they were very happy before, a simple family of 4, auntie was a teacher and Uncle had a good position in technical world in media and considering as a government employee.

My experience with this case was rollercoaster and it challenged my faith, understanding and my personal emotion to deal with those people involved. Uncle had a main caregiver and that's his Daughter Rose Marie,She's around 50's, not married and she's been a full time caregiver since last year if I remembered right. I described her as a dedicated and a very involved person when it comes to uncle's health. A religious woman with a strong faith to God and I admired her because of that.  But there are some Instances that confused me about her attitude. First, she was very nice, vocal, and full of wisdom woman and she treats me well. In fact I like her although she's very talkative and she kept telling the same story all over again (but that's fine to me so I can practice my English hahaha)

It just happened that last November/December 2016, I raised my concerned to my managers about my Budget that was being stretched out the whole months. We went outside almost every day aside from my patient's original schedules.  Then when finally came to the point that my concern was being raised to her, I've been caught up in the middle. I just don't get it why my management didn't think about my situation. Yes they able to addressed my concern, but instead of pulling me out from this case without any fuss, it creates more issues and confrontations and I hate it. For me, my management can pull me out here by giving a more realistic alibi but they just put me in tough spot as well. From the day when Rose marie knew about the my concern, she was starting asking and interrogating me like I did a serious crime and that’s very uncomfortable on my part. She’s been very confrontational person and keen to grilled people on the spot. Yes I was nervous and gasping for words to explain my side to her, it seems not difficult to depend yourself to anyone as Long you know where you stand. But explaining yourself in front of Rose Marie was like being judged already by her own trial court. Well I believed that I explained well my side to her as far as I know.  I told her that there's something that I can’t say to her directly and not necessary for her to know it. I don't want them to adjust for me because I think too  much about my budget but instead, I need to adjust myself for them because they're my client.  And I also told her that aside from that, I don't have any issue at all since they were good to me. 

I just felt Attacked when her mood changed suddenly. She was fierce and talking to me with conviction. I can tolerate it as Long as she didn't play dirty at my back. Now she was eyeing with my flaws and pointing it out. She escalated quickly as those things are non-sense and superficial. How can you work when someone was always at you back and waiting for your wrongdoing? I'm just human, of course I forgot things and but it’s not necessary to report me because of it. I’m confident about my service and always did my best to delivered standard care to all my patients. It's saddened me because there are people out there who are very keen to push you on the cliff. Yes I fully understand her point that she has right to say about uncle’s welfare but as far as I know my care to all my patients was beyond what I can offer. Different story if you want to put someone in bad situation because he/she’s not on your side.

I felt Attacked when she tried to stop me from talking to auntie. She was rude to her own Mother and she wants me to be like her. It doesn't mean that if I talked to auntie I take sides too. Auntie was very nice and lovely old woman and I believed that talking to her was not wrong. From the moment she wants me to refrain from talking auntie was the time I'm taking her side and being involved on their family issues.

Probably I didn't understand her struggle being part of this family and her journey when she was young. Her scar from the past affects her relationship toward other people today. Maybe I'm not in pain like what she felt inside but I'm willing to listen like what I did. She was very fragile and delicate as what I noticed but for God sake she needs to open her mind and learn to accept her own flaws. She's very selfish, arrogant, close minded, and insensitive.  I don't want to be judgmental but I think she's not mentally unstable. The way she talked and treats an average people shows her rudeness and I see it as unacceptable treatment to anyone and we don't deserved it. Definitelly a bully.

I’m not judging her relationship with God. She goes to church almost every day and I witnessed her passion and devotions about her faith. It’s pretty obvious that her faith lifted her confidence, which no matter what happens, God with still forgive her and I truly agreed on that. But here’s the thing, and I asked her about this as well. Would anyone still do the same mistakes and if it’s valid to do it all over again because we know that God can forgive us? As Roman Catholic and my own perception about it, it’s more fulfilling that our soul are full with kindness and understanding for those people that you have met in your life. Meeting a random people in this world wouldn’t be just a coincident because I believed that every one of us had a purposed that we imparted to each other. Yes, maybe we encountered those people in a different situations and it could be in bad or in a wonderful moment. Let’s say meeting them in a worse and a bad situations and we are just a human being that probably our response will be in fight mode. Of course being in a harm situation we tend to defend ourselves but at least we think twice and assess if this all worth of our time and effort. Some of us we can just pass some of those things and carry on or at least raised our own concern in a nicest way and you know talked those people in calm way and as much as possible we don’t want to be mean and sarcastic dealing those bad situations.

Lesson: I realized that even how close we are to God we are still human. Committing mistakes and wrongdoing are pretty normal for us. Going to church did not make us holy as what other think. I’m so naïve that I thought that those people who go to church as often are good people. Yeah of course there’s some exemption about being tagged as Good people but at least the spirit of Christianity is being practice on a daily life and how you live with people around us/you. It’s so sad that God was taking for granted because we all think that he can save us from our sins because we prayed for him and asking him for forgiveness. But we failed him to live his teaching on a daily basis and we forgot to do what the masses preach every Sunday. I’m not perfect, I barely go to church every Sunday and definitely a sinner but at least I tried to be good and practice what Christianity is. I think Kindness, Love and Understanding nowadays are not common for all of us and what we forgot in this world full of uncertainly.