it's been a days when I went back in manila and that was a boring vacation haha but still I'm happy to see my family again and nothing has changed there. Philippines are still Philippines, its been a year ago since I flew here in Singapore. first I'm so hesitant to go back because i was scared on how  much I'm gonna spend back there.  so roughly less than 30k pesos, and I need to pull it out some of my savings back there :( and as usual, There are still people back there who can't even understand how hard to work here (overseas) their perception was, when you worked overseas, you've been earning a lot of money, maybe yes for other people but not for me :/ and they keep comparing me to other people and it make me sad and depressed because no one will dream to work hard for nothing. and there are some people out there who's very close to my heart are very vocal to express their excitement for something that I gonna give to them :( they're not excited to see me instead they are excited for something I have for them. that's unfair and they don't understand it. I'm not too hard to spend my money for them but, at least they should think what hardship I had to put on just to earn it. I'm not selfish to keep my money, they are too much to ask more - I don't know, I don't want judge them but this is what I feel :( 

and when I back here in Singapore, now I'm over thinking again for so many things. I'm so alarmed about my next move. and yes now I'm pressing again my snooze button and delaying everything. this attitude should be removed on my system. anyway I miss a lot the Singapore and I want to go back again when I'm there hahaha, you can really tell what was the difference between the two countries. How sad that Philippines are still the same. The poor situation, the bad politics and Rotten and disgusting system of Democracy. How I wish that we had a better future on our own land.

Anyway, I just really miss my family thou not that much hahaha but I want to see them and my two nephews. they grew so fast.. I want to give the best love that I can give to them and of course to my mum and my siblings as well but like what I have now it's not even enough for us and I'm very shame to share it with them because me also I have my own needs and expenses but I still need to divide it for us. How sad life I have hahaha everything are still in control and I need to compensate, hahah soon I want to feel the luxury of what life can give to me and to my family.  well, everything I need. I should earn it on my own because no one would give it and that's what life would do it :D 

and this kind of situation, I still manage to be happy and positive. I hope I will be always like this. thou I still have ups and down moment and mostly down situation but my faith are still Stronger no matter what life can bring. Aja! :D